So Sick of Being Tired and Oh So Tired of Being Sick

The last several posts have been me begging myself for consistency in my running regimen and yet here I am again posting about a run 6 days after the previous. At least this one wasn't entirely my fault as I fell sick last week and spent nearly the whole weekend in my room, extending to yesterday. I probably didn't have to stay home from work yesterday but anymore I tend to go all out combatting sickness, trying to beat it in as few days as possible. I hate being sick. So of course I went running last night. Maybe I should have stayed in, but I tend to try exercise toward the end of a sickness as a way to flush the last bits of crap out of my system - a method which is not backed up by science at all, but whatever. Also in this particular case I'd been laying/sitting around for three days straight and it was driving me crazy. Thus I found myself in my running gear, slipping into my running shoes, and setting off on my Fort Greene loop on the same day that I called out from work because I was congested with a pounding headache. A headache which did not appreciate the rhythmic striking of feet on concrete, but which subsided after about a mile of running. The wobbly knees faded as well, though the sore abs as I nearly a mile and a half were not a welcome replacement. In the end I managed to complete the loop fairly easily (even taking a phone call toward the end of it) which I attribute mostly to the fantastic weather, with temperatures hovering right around 70 degrees. So easy to run when it's not muggy and hot. Such a pleasure. I suppose, though, I really do have to get better at running when I'm not comfortable. Pushing myself when conditions aren't ideal. Today and tomorrow will be good practice, since the weather will be returning to uncomfortable summer levels. We'll see if I'll be able to run easy, even when the running is hard.

Later and Later, the Latening Gyre

So two days late. I dislike that I'm letting myself slip on these, though to give myself a bit of an extension I just ran again yesterday. As I start running every day I don't actually think chaining posts together will be worthwhile, as this whole blog was meant to be immediately reactionary, and an exercise in consistency. But here we are.

Anyway, Monday was the Labor Day 5K at Roosevelt Island. Since I'd run there in April to start the summer (spring?) I decided to run there again to end the summer and see what kind of improvements I'd made to my time. For the record, in April I ran this course in 30:03 and then a few weeks later I ran it again in about 28:30. This time? 28:59.

There are a lot of reasons why I ran a worse time than when I ran this course in May, despite several additional months of running, including a 7.5 miler. Monday morning happened to be incredibly humid, which certainly got to me in the first mile of the race before it started to break. I didn't respect the course, and so didn't prepare (hydrate/stretch) properly the day before. I hadn't run for a week leading up to the race, and since the heat wave in July I'd only been running about twice a week.

Really, though, my biggest downfall was pacing. I ran that first mile faster than I ever do normally, which put a lot of unexpected stress on my legs and led me to walk somewhere during the second mile. Twice.

And this was a problem born mostly from competitiveness and a lack of familiarity with my own ability/limits. As I started the race and the scrum separated I paced myself with runners faster and better trained than myself. I had an inkling that I was running faster than normal, but as people continued to pass me I was determined to keep up. I pushed harder, worrying more about other peoples' progress in relation to me and less about how I felt, and how I was running in relation to my own ability. This is a problem I've noticed in earlier races, most notably the J.P. Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge in which I thought I was running very fast because I was passing people the entire time, when actually I ran a terrible time and was mislead by the slow pace of other runners. I need to get to a place in running where I'm familiar with - and comfortable with - my own speed and level of endurance. I can't let the ability of other people dictate what I do.

This is something that extends past running, as well. Generally in life I - despite my best efforts - tend to get bogged down with concerns about whether I'm keeping up with my peers, or with some standard of human achievement. Have I advanced enough in my career? Am I behind my friends that are married and having kids? I remember when I used to believe very strongly that you can't judge your own happiness by other peoples' goals, but it seems like I've forgotten that in recent years. As with my running, I've got to get back to that place in life where I can strive for the things I want to achieve, and not worry about how well other people are performing relative to what they want in their own lives. Other peoples' standards do not have to be my own.

Anyway, after the demoralizing race on Monday I decided to redouble my efforts to run more often and more consistently - especially since I'm apparently going to be running back to back 10Ks in October. The distance is very doable for me, but I'll have to train to get to the point where I can push myself for 6+ miles on consecutive days. I'm quite looking forward to the challenge.

To wit, I ran yesterday evening despite sore legs, and managed to complete the Fort Greene loop in one go, without stopping, despite some side stitches and some early calf soreness. It was a pretty average run, but considering it was the day after a race I'm glad to have completed it. For some reason this year I've tended to over-rest, giving myself a break after fairly short runs. I'm not intimidated at all by the 5K distance, so I'm not sure why I've felt I needed a day off after running it in race or in practice. I'll still have to watch out for knee pain, but sore legs have deterred me far too many times this year.

Hopefully I'll be able to hit a double loop of Fort Greene park later today, since it's generally not until that third mile that I really start coasting and after that, on the single loop, the end comes far too quickly. After all, what's the point of battling through that 2-mile wall if you don't cruise through on that runner's high?

Run easy.

The Belated Update

Wow, so yesterday was the first time since I started this blog (which admittedly was not that long ago) that I actually forgot to write after my run. How embarrassing! After all that talk about consistency in my last post, I actually get it together to get a run in, and still manage to mess up the routine. Ah, well. It was a pretty good run. I ran the Fort Greene loop again and managed to do five intervals on the stairs. The humidity was kind of brutal and the pace of my second-half split after the stairs was almost a full minute slower than my pace on the way there. Still, I count it as successful since it didn't hurt so much - except at the beginning as my legs were a bit sore from Saturday, but I managed to push through it - and hit a good rhythm in the last mile. I feel like every time I do this Fort Greene loop I get in a really good groove right at the end of the run. Maybe it's time to try Prospect Park again? Added bonus to today's run - the incredibly cute girl that blew past me on the runner's loop, and then ran by again while I was running stairs. Not sure why she caught my eye more than the other women that I see when I run that park, but there it is. I hope to get in two more runs this week before I shut it down this weekend. I'm running a Roosevelt Island 5k on Labor Day, and while it should be pretty easy to beat my Memorial Day time, I want to crush it. Where was this motivation the last four weeks? Run easy.

I Need To Do This More Often

So I've been playing Rec League volleyball off and on for several years. Last year was an off year, and when I came back to it I noticed that I was playing just a touch slower than I used to, and that I wasn't able to cover as much ground as quickly. I grudgingly chalked that up to rust and age and began to accept my newfound slowness, but as I ramped up my running this summer I noticed that my play in the summer league started creeping back to my previous, energetic, levels. So upon discovering that my running was helping out my volleyball playing I naturally spent the week leading up to the playoffs not running, and eating shit. Because, once again, I'm a genius. Playoff night I was slow, erratic, and didn't really get going until the very end of the final game, at which point we were one game down and playing from behind. We lost. I typed all that out just to further impress on myself the fact that I HAVE to run more consistently. I never understand my inability to start on things that I really enjoy going, namely running and writing. I love the push and struggle and breakthrough during, and the feeling of relief and accomplishment after, but holy hell is it hard overcoming that inertia of doing nothing. And, as I typed earlier, nothing clearly has consequences. Take as further evidence today's run. It was a beautiful morning, sunny and warm-but-not-hot, with a gentle, cooling breeze. It was the same course as my last run, from what seems like forever ago. Fort Greene loop, with stairs in the middle. I hit the park without too much trouble (and at a roughly 8:15 mile pace, which is fantastic for me) but once on the runner's trail I started to flag. The first trip up and down the stairs was much harder than it should have been and not only was I breathing too heavily, but the energy seemed like it was draining right out of my legs. Trip two was more of the same, and the third, and final, trip of the afternoon ended with burning upper quads, and an extended sit down at the bottom of the stairs. Sure, my pace was faster but I don't feel that I should have been that tired on that cycle at this point in the summer, especially given that last year I was completing this loop with five reps of the stairs and pushups and crunches in between each. I want to do better than this, and in order to do that I only need to do more, and more often. The back half of the run started a little touchy, on slightly unsteady legs. As I exited the park I considered stopping until "Body Moving" came on and I was forced to power through. A Cloud Cult song followed that managed to barely keep me moving, and coming up on the final stretch of the run I was trying desperately to not stop when on comes "Boy With the Arab Strap." There are a number of songs I put on my mix, not because they boost me, but rather because I can just coast with them. They are easygoing, but steady and calming. On the wings of Belle and Sebastian I was able to cruise my way home, running easy all the way.

Working On Up

Post is a little late. After my run this afternoon I got sidetracked by dinner and Doctor Who and things. Ran Fort Greene Park again, though this time I decided to try the steps again. Even before I got to the stairs I'd decided to opt out of the pushups, though right now I can't recall why. Possibly because I hate people watching me do pushups, and figured it'd be pretty busy over there at 6pm. The first mile and a half to the park felt rough. I had soreness in both my calves that didn't go away, and it seemed to take forever to overcome the first mile wall and ease into steady breathing. When I eventually hit the steps, though, I saw that I was running about forty seconds faster than normal, so that's something. As I said, the plan was to hit the steps, running only. After one I was feeling pretty good, and it seemed like I'd regained most of my wind and energy by the time I'd come back to the bottom. After two I felt like I'd probably be able to make it to five. After three I was tiring, but five definitely seemed within reach. Then, at four, I realized that I would certainly be able to hit five, but that my legs might not have enough afterward to make it home running. In fact, at that point it seemed like my legs already didn't have enough to make it home running. I'd caught a few footfalls that seemed to waver, but at that point there was no stopping till I'd hit five reps of the stairs. I barely took my break once completed because the Beastie Boys queued up just then, and so I was forced to press onward. It feels like it's been a few runs since I managed to hit real cruising pace, but I hit it soon after leaving the park. I could still feel most of my aches, but the small hurts didn't seem to matter. It felt like I could just run through anything. It wasn't quite the runner's high when endorphines just take over and numb all the pain, leaving only focus, but it was enough. Probably no run tomorrow, but hopefully Sunday evening I'll attempt to tackle the long Prospect Park loop again. Run easy.

Down With The Sickness

So I decided to play hookey from work today. I woke up at six with my alarm, planning to get a run in before work, and decided to just not bother. After a late-ish night last night and the inordinate stress of this summer I just decided to take a mental health day. Surprisingly (or, I guess, unsurprisingly) my office cannot actually function when I'm not there and I spent most of my "day off" working from home. Happily I actually managed to get away just before lunch, on the nicest running day of the summer. On an afternoon that's 75 degrees and partly cloud there's no way I was just going to waste away at my desk. I got away long enough to run my normal 5k loop through the Fort Greene Park runner's trail. From the very beginning of this run my calves hurt. I was in such a hurry to get out there that I hardly stretched at all and as a result I was feeling it for pretty much all of the run. I pushed through it hoping that the soreness would fade but it never really did. I feel like I was more out of breath than I should have been as well. I was fully ready to write another blog entry about pushing through and enduring through yet another bad run. But then, as I slowed to my cooldown walk, I ended my workout on MapMyRun and saw that I finished the loop more than a minute faster than I'd run it on Sunday. Don't get me wrong, it's still slower than my racing speed. But feeling like shit and still running faster than your last training run is pretty great. On my volleyball off-week I'm trying to get as many runs in as I can - social life not-withstanding - and so I'm hoping I can try the loop again tomorrow after work. Today I wasn't even pushing myself and bettered my time. Let's see what tomorrow brings. Run easy.

Back In The Saddle

So remember all the talk I posted about it being important to push past where you thought your limits were? And remember how I said I did that last weekend trying for the eight miles, but settling for five? Well, this is where I say it's also important to know when to stop because you might injure yourself. The soreness that set in on that long walk home last Sunday never really left and I haven't been able to run all week. I could even feel it during my volleyball game on Wednesday. So today instead of trying the steps or the long Prospect Park loop, I took it easy and just ran the 3.3 mile Fort Greene Park loop. I've decided to slowly ramp up instead of jerking ahead in bursts. This only being able to run twice a week - along with the week I had to take off because of the heat wave - left me at about the same place I was six weeks ago. Since my summer proper is just starting now it's about time I started running properly again. The loop today was easy enough. I never hit cruising speed, and it was certainly work the whole way, but there was never a point where I thought I'd have to stop. I'm always surprised at the moments where I'm breathing hard, but am able to catch my breath while still running. Not something I thought I'd be able to do a couple of years ago. Here's to hoping I can get back out either tomorrow evening or Tuesday morning. I do love evening running, but I think an early morning right might do me good. It certainly is a peaceful time to get out there. Till next time, run easy.

Doesn't Matter; Still Ran

So my current PR is 7.5 miles, only stopping for water twice. No walking, no rests. And I've only done it once. Today was my day to try again, though six days from my last run, and several nights of drinking were not the best preparation. Still, I felt pretty good when I started. The first mile didn't feel as great as my last run, but it felt solid. A good start. The circuit takes me from my apartment to Prospect Park and back. It's two miles from my door to where I enter the park, right at the bottom of the big hill. The park's loop is 3.35 mils, and then two miles back. Sounds simple until you run the course and realize how many freaking hills there are. I powered up the first hill toward Eastern Parkway still feeling pretty good, cruised the downhill, then hit the park. The big hill in there didn't deter me much, and I thought I was in good shape, but I never hit that runner's zone. On the contrary, after mile three I was breathing very hard and noticed everything below my waist going south. My quads and calves were tightening, soreness was building in my knees, and my feet started to ache. I was ready to try and push through all of that, though, when my arms started tingling. It always freaks me out a bit when that kind of stuff happens on a run so I quickly decided to take a breather, luckily right by a water fountain. I ended up sitting listening to some band sound check for tonight's Celebrate Brooklyn, trying to stretch a bit and keep loose. To little avail. When I tried running again I made it maybe a mile before having to stop again. I broke for water twice more, but I was barely able to finish the loop and get out of the park. Spurts of running on the two mile stretch back home were few and never lasted long. My legs had started to tighten seriously at this point and it was all I could do to walk the rest of the way home. Previously I might have taken this run as a failure. I might have been frustrated with myself, with my inability to focus and push, with my lack of preparation. But in the end, even if it was short of my goal, this was still a 5 mile run. Two miles longer than my normal workout. Add to that the fact that today was a beautiful, blue-skied, breezy day. Being out in that at all would have been enough to lift my mood, let alone hitting a tough 5 miles. This run has taught me, though, that I can't keep running twice a week and expect to improve. I really need to get out there more if I want to increase my distance, which shouldn't be as hard as I'm finding it since this is something that I actually like doing. Inertia is a tough thing to beat, in writing and in running. Hopefully I'll be able to defeat it in one and that will make it easier to handle in the other.

Running is Cheaper Than Therapy

Not being able to go six days without something can be either a sign of great love, or great addiction. When I was out there for the first time since last Tuesday I was metaphorically head over heels, but leading up the run I was certainly jonesing pretty badly. I'd been meaning to hit the pavement pretty much every morning but hangovers and lack of sleep got in my way every time. From staying out until 3:30am after my volleyball match on Wednesday to a birthday party on Friday to a cookout and a birthday party on Saturday I have not been in any shape to lace up. But even when I was lying prone on my bed unable to roll out and order some day-after-drinking-Indian-food I wished I was pushing myself up Prospect Park hill. I feel like I'm at an odd place right now. Nights like Wednesday - random weekday drinking with some friends and some friendly strangers - are what my early years in New York were built upon. And moments with friends Friday night and all day Saturday are the kind I've rarely turned down any time in my adult life, unless I had scheduling conflicts. I'm not quite at the point where I'd trade these times for a good hour and a half around the park at 6 A.M. but I do think I'm closer to that point than I've ever been. Especially after days like today. Long, grueling days of work that involve staying late, stressing out about the mountain of time-sensitive projects that never seems to dwindle, and having mild panic attacks about the direction my life is taking. Until recently such days would have had me bee-lining for the closest bar stool (or for the bar stool closest to my apartment) but today all I could think about was getting home, strapping on my shoes, balling up all of the shit that had been building in my head all day, and running it into the ground.

Sometimes Terrible Runs Happen

Jeez, this morning was all kinds of trouble leading up to a pretty disappointing 1 mile run - which was about a third of what I was trying to do.

I woke up at 5:30 - fifteen minutes earlier than usual because I find that 5:45 roll-out-of-bed-and-run doesn't allow me enough time to warm up/loosen my legs and I end up with leg cramps at two miles. Instead of taking advantage of the extra time I rolled around in bed trying to get together enough momentum to overcome the inertia of sleep, not actually getting up until the first Snooze on my alarm. Then my morning shit took its time to hit me. I try to never do a morning running without taking the morning shit because running tends to wake up my bowels and Brooklyn doesn't seem like a place to wind up like this woman.

Long story short I didn't end up leaving my apartment until 6:30, and because I'm a genius I didn't take any of that extra time to stretch so as I was walking down my stairs I could just feel it in my legs that this is going to be a bad run. My calves felt incredibly tight and since I was so late I just did a few leg kicks and high-knees before I started. My legs immediately felt bad and did not loosen up at all during the first mile, and this fractured my concentration to the point where I couldn't just power through it. I ended up turning around at .8 miles, and only made it 1.3 before I had to walk back.

Hopefully this was just a result of humidity and an 8-day lay-off.

Shitty runs happen, but the important thing is how you react to them. Tomorrow I am to be up again, bright and early (well, early at least, before it gets bright), ready to try my three mile pre-work loop again. Hopefully more hydrated, hopefully looser, hopefully even more determined to not let that A.M. inertia get the best of me.

Run easy.

Hello World

Writing and running have always had a calming affect on me even though, while I'm doing both, they seem like arduous tasks punctuated by bursts of euphoric, manic inspiration. Mind and body exercises wherein I'm always trying to squeeze just a little something more out of myself; just a little something better. This summer a hectic a brutal work schedule (poor excuse, but there it is) has left me writing far less than I'm comfortable with, and the intense heat wave this week (mediocre excuse, but there it is) has left me with zero runs in seven days for the first time in several months.

I suppose this blog is a way to combine these two things that center me and give me a sense of clarity, and also an attempt to spur myself into doing both more often. I think being paired with writing will make me enjoy running even more as I work through how and why I run how I run, focusing my thoughts while I'm out on the road. I also think the exercise will immensely help my writing as I tend to overthink and overwork everything I put on a page. This blog that I don't really plan to show anybody about an activity that I do mostly by myself will give me a chance to write freer, I think. I hope that I'll let myself ramble more, and explore more. And maybe, just maybe, it'll give me some measure of relief from the near abject helplessness I tend to feel when staring at a flashing cursor on a blank screen - or at a blank sheet, pen in hand. I expect most of these to be fairly simple updates outlining my runs and times, but hopefully I'll occasionally come up with something thoughtful.

So here's to writing, and to running, and to really finding out who I am with both of them.

Run easy.